MM&A: Autumnal Equinox 2025
It’s fall, y’all! It’s almost the coziest, spookiest time of year, which means we need to be on the lookout for seasonal depression and good scary movies!
Music:
I’m late to the Billie Eilish party- whatever, I’m here now, and I OVERstand. July 21, 2025, I was in the bathroom of a J.R. Crickets when I heard a beautiful voice that was being used like an instrument permeating through the speakers to fill the two-stall restroom.
“She was cryin’ on my shoulder / all I could do was hold her.”
Yeah, it’s a TikTok Song, and I literally never listened to it, but something about that bathroom in that J.R. Crickets. I need to talk to their speaker guy. In the car, I actually cried when I read the lyrics on Genius and listened to it. It’s honestly just a beautiful song. I wanted to throw up in the parking lot. This song is about her being buried in guilt when she started a relationship with her friend’s ex, and they’re all famous so it’s another level of rawness because the relationship was already under public scrutiny. This just tells us pieces of the relationship from Billie’s perspective.
“Things fall apart, and time breaks your heart
I wasn’t there, but I know
She was your girl, you showed her the world
You fell out of love, and you both let go.”
Billie’s voice is soft and dripping with sadness, accompanied by a melancholy acoustic guitar and light background vocals as she sets the scene where she, emotionally, meets the couple. They had broken up after being in love. The “you” in the song is speculated to refer to Jesse Rutherford, lead singer of The Neighbourhood, and his (ex) girl, or the “her” in the song is speculated to be Devon Lee Carlson. The song’s title, “WILDFLOWER,” could be an allusion to Carlon’s phone case company, “Wildflower Cases”. Billie’s voice is soft and dripping with sadness, accompanied by a melancholy acoustic guitar and light background vocals.
"She was cryin’ on my shoulder, all I could do was hold her
Only made us closer until July
Now I know that you love me, you don’t need to remind me
I should put it all behind me, shouldn’t I?”
This excerpt is the most damning part of the entire song and the genesis of her guilt about her relationship with Jesse. This describes an intimate moment between friends who confide in each other as Billie comforts Devon about the breakup. They even bonded over it until July, when Billie became involved with the reason her friend was crying in the first place. She doesn’t want to be reminded that he loves her because it reminds her of what she did to get that love: betray someone who trusted her. She tries to reason with herself; maybe she was never close with Devon and didn’t owe her any loyalty, so she should move on and just be happy with her new man.
“But I see her in the back of my mind all the time
Like a fever, like I’m burning alive
like a sign
Did I cross the line?”
Her voice, the accompanying music, and background vocals remain soft as if she doesn’t even want to address the situation at all or as if the severity of it hasn’t quite set in yet. She asks, “Did I cross the line?” because she can’t face that she has indeed crossed the line, and she feels as if she’s being punished for it- burning alive as if she’s literally in hell.
“Well, good things don’t last
And life moves so fast,”
Next thing you know, you've been with that man for 6 months. Smh.
“I’d never ask who was better
cause she couldn’t be more different than me
happy and free in leather”
Drums and more background vocals join the guitar. Billie, of course, means “better” sexually and romantically. The girls are so different! Billie is known for her large silhouettes and oversized clothes, compared to Devon, who wears tight-fitting leather. She is also free as a single woman, while Billie is trapped in a guilt-ridden relationship haunted by the ghost of her man’s ex.
“And I know that you love me, you don’t need to remind me
Wanna put it all behind me, but baby
I see her in the back of my mind all the time
feels like a fever, like I’m burning alive, like a sign
Did I cross the line?”
Here, the music builds loudly and the background vocals become immersive on the track, paralleling the guilt Billie must have felt- impossible to ignore now. I love how the sounds swell toward the second half of the song to reflect the passing of time and the development of the relationship.
“And I wonder
Do you see her in the back of your mind in my eyes?
You say no one knows you so well
But every time you touch me, I just wonder how she felt
Valentine’s Day, crying in the hotel
I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, so I kept it to myself”.
Her voice is soft and sad as she recounts that he was involved with someone else the same way he’s involved with her- so how is it possible that no one knows him so well? He was with that girl for 7 years. The hurt he may have caused her adds to the guilt she feels in the relationship and the devastation of the situation as a whole.
The storytelling is made vivid through her vocabulary and song development. The way she uses her voice as an instrument reflects the naturalness of her artistry and the practice she has put in honing her sound and finding her voice. The production and layering are beautifully done and blend gorgeously with the rest of her album, “HIT ME HARD AND SOFT”. Her vulnerability and accountability are something all humans can relate to, as we all cross the line and must deal with the consequences of our actions.
When I thought about it, the only Billie Eilish song I had ever listened to was “Lovely” by Khalid ft. Eilish, because my sister used to play it in the car. I, of course, know who Billie Eilish is, and I have no idea why it took me so long to get into her discography! The rest of the album is stunning and has so many hits. It’s a great album! I definitely recommend giving it a listen, but it will make you feel things, so be prepared for that, because I was not. The fall is always a good time to get in your feelings and be introspective, so it’s a good album for facing emotional truths.
Movies
One of the best movies I’ve seen in 2025, if not in the past 5 years, was “Weapons” directed by Zach Creeger. I went to see the film with two of my cinephile friends in theaters and I had actually watched his debut Netflix film, “Barbarian,” shortly before seeing Weapons. Creeger’s non-chronological direction style was a nice surprise for me. Often, when movies are nonlinear, I feel like they can have a Tarantino-esque quality about them. However, rather than following events marked in time, Creeger follows the characters and their stories, which makes for an interesting unraveling of plot sequences and allows for his direction to be unique and new. If you’ve never seen them before, I would give them a whirl. They’re interesting, you don’t know what is going on, they’re easy to watch, and they will definitely give you a little thrill to start the season off with. The direction, use of color, character development, acting, writing, makeup, costume, and plot were all done so well. I won’t analyze or give any spoilers, but just know when Creeger cooks up something else, I will be in that theater with popcorn and a slushie.
Automobiles
One of my coworkers recently told me that his favorite cars change based on the seasons. I’ve never heard this before, but the concept is certainly grounded in sense. “A two-door in the summer, a nice truck in the winter”. So, it got me thinking, what is the perfect Fall car? People love Fall because the weather cools down, the leaves change color, and things slow down from the travel and turmoil of Summer. Imagine driving through the mountains with red and yellow leaves in a drop top. I am, personally, partial to Spring, but I do enjoy the beauty of Fall. I would say any convertible is perfect for the fall because it’s both cool and warm enough so you can just enjoy the weather, you can enjoy the foliage, and get some sunlight so that seasonal depression I mentioned earlier doesn’t completely knock you on your you-know-what.
Happy Fall, y’all!
